I am free to confess that few years ago I had rough times in relation to my Mother Church. I had problem with her doctrine (in few years I was even pro choice, but it is another story, maybe later), I had problem with her priests, I was able to blame everyone everywhere and I often said popular quote which uses every other catholic (simple every christian) around the world: Just God can judge me. And I often forgot that this sentence bear one of the biggest truth: He will.
When I was younger I used to go to the church regularly, every Sunday, every first Friday, I went regularly to Communion, every month to Confession, I was taught to pray rosary and pray to Virgin Mary and everything what true catholic is teach to do and should do. Then it turned down.
My life turned upside down. I lost control in my life. I lost my ground under the feet. Scandals of priests, life trials, downfalls, efforts to find the right path through my life, opinions from society, people around me.....I ended in the Mess.
I started to blame God for every disaster in my Life. There was no one who would tell me: Girl, stop, He loves you. It is not that you are on some black list created by Him. (For the record: I do not believe there is some black list).
So I began to hate. I started to use every fall of the Church as a reason for my leaving the Church.
But I never did it. Why? Let me explain you.
When I was in college, I studied literature and as a student of literature you have this big list of books for reading, including the Bible. Me as a lapsed catholic who publicly rejected doctrine of the Church, took it with chill. No feelings, no thoughts, it was just duty. But something in my mind was there and used to tell me I should take it more serious. I was curious about some passages so I began to study Bible more often. More than ever before.
I saw myself playing with thought about returning to praying rosary. Suddenly my anxiety, which was present in my being so many years led me to something I thought I will never do again. To praying.
I often asked myself through these times how is it possible that liberal, lapsed believer, like me, found herself in place of someone absolutely opposite. This process was not so simple like it seems to be.
It took many years to become me right now. It caused pain, it was caused by downfalls.
You surely know that God is a wise Man. He can use your faults and failings to create Masterpiece.
From previous girl who stood against Church doctrine became woman who stand beside her.
As my favorite passage beyond Gospels in New Testamens are letters from Apostle Paul, who seemed to me be more similar to me than any other man in full Bible, I was , as many more around the world, aware of arrival the movie Paul, the Apostle of the Christ. I listened to interview with authors, catholics behind this great movie, Andrew Hyatt and T.J. Berden, who practically said what is known by everyone: It does not matter how far you go from the Church, you can always become Paul of your times. And this was that reason I decided to look closer to my own case and think about my own experiences. Now I take you finaly closer too.
I wondered why I stayed in the church which comes through so much scandals and decreases. Someone could tell I am crazy. But I decide to explain why me, and you should too, stay catholic and will never leave this church. Book from Peter Kreeft, Forty reasons I am catholic helped me really much.
I used every reason I had for leaving in the past to stay inside:
1.Scandals of priests.
What happened inside the church around priests is more than scandal. It is tragedy. For someone it is reason for leaving, for me it is reason for staying. Because it is not just them, of whom is Church formed. It is every other person beside them. If one part of the element failed, it is up to other parts to save it and continue in refining. If I would leave, one part of Body of the Christ would be taken. Be aware of the fact, that you are the part of process. You are the part of The body of Jesus. Even when one human fails, it does not matter. There are many more human beings who can change it whole .
2. Strict doctrine
Many people tells nowadays that doctrine of Catholic church is too hard. I used to think it too until I realized that maybe it can be somehow strict, but understand that if Teacher is too soft, how can you become better person, better student, reach better goals in your life? Even when you are under strict rules, it is not to punish you or taking your freedom. No. It is because you were created for so much more and higher aims.
It is always better to go through lesson of life with stricter rules and accomplish your journey at the best which is Kingdom of God. That rules are there to free you from your fragility. The biggest success is life without sin but even saints were people like all of us and made some mistakes so be true, it is not so simple. True Freedom is in Christ alone. And that is what church watch.
3.Catholic church refuses women in priesthood
What can seem as a discrimination is simple following of God and His laws. If He appoined men for priesthood, I am not here to argue. There is just one authority , God alone. Catholics just follows this law.
And if you feel to use this as a discrimination or dispraise of women, I have for you this thought: there are many other spaces for realization , even in religious area. Every woman is important for functioning of the Church. Every human being has its own value. No one is beyond favor of God. So stop to keep your attention somewhere where is "inserted" someone else and start to look around yourself, you surely can be useful in every other place :).
4.Pro Life movement
Well, this is really current theme for discussions.
Once I used to think that be against abortion is being against the women rights. Oh how much I was wrong...
It is necessary to understand that there is nothing free and good in life with knowledge you destroyed life of other human. What is good about living with conscience that you , instead of empower yourself and testify to yourself that you are stronger than your fear and society around you, did something so horrible that you found yourself killing innocent life which can not protect itself? And .
If you try to explain this and tell me that it is your body, go and repeat lesson from biology right now. It is clear that human life begins in the womb when sperm meets ovulum. Because that is when another body begin to develop.
5. Refusing of approval Homosexual relationships as a marriage
No this is not against human rights. It is just following of the Laws. Like you can not kill and steal, you can not commit adultery. With nobody. Just remember Sodom and Gomorrah. The Bible is not for adjust the times. We are designated to adjust the Bible.
Do not get me wrong, I love every person God created. I just do not think it is ok to break down His rules. Even I am sinner. My fear of Him, His judgement and confidence in His words is more than what society can give me . Ever. Period.
6.Catholic Church goes not hand in hand with modern, liberal times
Thank God! If it would go, there would be much more disaster .
7. Refusing of free love and strict view on marriages
Again. Thank God. Marriage is powerful bond. It can save and change everything . It creates a family. There is power of society. If it would be simple to unbind it, it could cause collapse of families.
8.Eucharist
The most sacramental relationship ever. Relationship with Jesus. In Him I find truly freedom. Nowhere else.
9. Final. Catholic Church never changed its doctrine
Yes it is the best. If you are faithful in all those years, you are predicted to stay faithful forever.
I highly recommend to read book mentioned up above. Mr. Kreeft said many more reasons, and I think there is low possibility to opose them....
There is interview with Andrew Hyatt and T.J. Berden.
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